It just sucks big times right now. That’s the honest, bare-bone truth. I enjoy 5, 10 percent if I’m being generous, of it and the rest of the times are just getting through the day without going batsh*t crazy or wind up being on the news.
It may sound extreme and crazy to non-parents or if you happen to be perfect parents or really good at parenting or have perfect children. Good for you, but this is my reality. The “joy” of parenting currently feels incredibly elusive and ephemeral.
And here’s another truth. Reading “inspiring” quotes such as this one makes me feel crappier (not better) than I already do. Because no matter how much I’m hammered about how transient this time is and to focus on the gift that the kids are and how aware I am that it is indeed a very, very short time in the grand scheme of things, I can’t.
It’s like putting a single rose in a portable john filled literally with crap and asking me to appreciate the beauty and the fragrance of the rose. Yeah it’s beautiful and yeah it smells great if you can focus on just the smell of the rose, but the fact is I’m in a potty and there this overwhelming stench of crap. That is what parenthood is to me right now.
Oh and if it’s possible to make me feel any worse, here are two other quotes.
I guess this explains why I feel so ugly these days. I thought I was having a mid-life crisis and tried to fix it with a different haircut, only to continue feel ugly. Ah, it’s because of what’s in the inside. But when I try to change what’s inside…
If you go by this quote, I am in a vicious circle. I will continue to attract negativity, impatience, dislike and unhappiness because that’s what I am. Geez, how hopeless and uninspiring.
And normally, I wouldn’t be all that excited because Friday just means the beginning of the Weekend Craze. But today, I’m on the cusp of 24 hours to myself. The first 24 hours without kids and husband I’ve had in at least 2 years, if not more. I can’t honestly remember the last time I was alone except that one day when I was sick as a dog.
24 hours alone. I can hardly believe it. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. I want to do something crazy like go into the city and pig out in K-town. I want prance around in my living room with nothing but my underwear on like in Risky Business and marathon movies until the wee hours and s-l-e-e-p i-n. Wow. Sleep in. I want to go to a mall, window shop to my heart’s content, heck try on clothes even if I don’t buy them. I want to eat a meal a leisurely without getting up every other minute. I want to just sit still with a glass of wine and enjoy the silence.
This couldn’t have come at a better time. Monday is First Day of School and the beginning of Fall Season Craze. I swear D has more games scheduled than any other year and the thought of constant go-go for 6 weeks straight makes me want to crawl into a corner and suck my thumb. So, I really could use this alone time to get centered.
Now, whether I will is another story. As one-half of my brain is daydreaming about relaxing for the next 24 hours, the other half is planning on the most efficient way to get all the house hold chores finished and the rest of my freezer cooking done in order for me to leave Sunday to get ready for the upcoming week.
Who will win? My logical or dreamy self? Stay tuned….dun dun dun.
Well, 7 years of having a blog anyway since I haven’t been blogging much these days. It sure says something when I log on for the first time since June and the entire site and format looks different.
The official anniversary date of my actual post isn’t until 8/28, but I figure I would write this when I think of it. Versus you know, missing the actual date by another 2 months since I seem to be in a post once in every two month mode.
Hobbies are funny things. Interest comes, then an almost obsession, and then it fades away. This has happened quite often in my life so I’m not surprised. I’m more surprised by how long I kept up with blogging. I am sad though because my waning interest is coinciding with a time when I should be blogging like crazy. Recording all the cute little moments of Peanut just like I did for Soso. All the things that are forgotten all too soon of a really short period in her and our lives.
I keep telling myself to blog more. I do. Yet, obviously I haven’t done it and I at a loss as to how to revive my flagging interest.
In any case, happy 7 years of on and off blogging.