So much for positive attitude

AF showed up last night. I’m really trying to focus on the fact that it could be worse. We could be going through this without DD in the picture. That would be much, much worse. But you know, I’m tired of telling myself that and tired of hearing it.

The reality is that we really want another baby. So, it still hurts, it still sucks, it is still painfully disappointing. I still feel emotionally raw and fragile all at the same time. I am still going to want to scream at the next person who asks me when we will be providing DD with a sibling.

The funny thing about hope is that it is a double edged sword. It can comfort you and pain you at the same time. Hope is what I’ve lived on for the past three weeks… the past 2 years. Today, it feels like a bleeding wound that won’t heal. We can stop the infertility treatment, but unless we stop having intercourse or go on birth control, every month, we will still hope. Which means that every month, a potential for disappointment however slight. I can’t help but wonder how long it will take for hope to finally die and the wound to start healing.

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4 thoughts on “So much for positive attitude

  1. You know what? For better or for worse, I don’t think the hope will ever go away. I think some months you’ll be more hopeful than others, and some months more disappointed than others, but I don’t think it will ever go away. And I would be sad for you if it did. Hoping is what makes you human, it means you are alive and caring and feeling. My wish for you is that you always have hope, and that the disappointments don’t last too much longer. I’m so sorry. (((hugs)))

  2. I still really don’t know what to say to comfort you.

    As for replies to people wanting to know when DD gets a sibling, I’ve got two:

    (snarky one) “Why are you so interested in our sex life?”

    OR

    (nice one) “We are leaving it in God’s hands.”

    ((hugs))

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