I just want to let those of you who have expressed concern of over my MIA status that I’m OK. I’m writing here because it is just easier for me to write in one place and as much as I’ve tried to go on the garden a couple of time, I find that I can’t. So I apologize to you Marita and Bella that I haven’t personally written back to you.
I don’t know why the whole T situation is hitting me so hard. Apparently I wasn’t all that good of friend. I had absolutely no idea that was coming. Perhaps that is what is making it so hard for me to get over it.
Unfortunately, I have also been in middle of other life issues. I’ve been struggling with work situation. Because it has been taking so long for my old job to give me a starting date (over a month) I had been starting to have doubts about the decision to go back. At the same time, I have been getting new assignments with my current job, a lot of new assignments. So, in a way it has been good because I’ve been too busy to have time for anything but work for the past two weeks. But it has also been bad because getting new work has made me feel less paranoid about being laid off.
Also about the same time, DH and I decided to try IUI one last time, before our 12 month is up. I’ve been going thru the usual shots and early doctor visits and of course all the ups and downs associated with another effort.
So, in a way it was like a perfect storm… emotional storm that is. All the ingredients needed for me to have an emotional meltdown. So, I needed to minimize at least one aspect of it.
I don’t know how much longer I’ll be gone from the garden. I’ll keep trying and I’m sure one of these days, things will click for me. All I can say is that for now I feel very disconnected from it.
A friend wrote to not let the T situation ruin my other friendships. I would hope that if it was real, that it would last regardless of my absence from the garden. But may be I’m wrong.
Thank you for expressing your concern. It really means a lot to me know that you care.
PS. As for the “one more try” for those who are familiar with infertility, it doesn’t look good. My FSH was high, I only had one follicle and we had to cancel one of the two IUIs. It would be great if this would work but I don’t have much hope. But I’m OK with it because now I know that we are truly done. As for the job front, I handed in my resignation yesterday. My last day is the 8th and I start at my old job on the 11th.