Have I mentioned yet that I live in a neighborhood infested with squirrels? Yes, infested, as in “spread in enough numbers to be harmful or offensive.” They are everywhere, running in and around our yard, our trees, our front stoop as well as our neighbors. They are numerous, they are clever and worst of all, they are not afraid. They do not scuttle away in fear at our approach. In fact they pause and mock us, daring us to do something and knowing very well how helpless we are.
The family of squirrels that live around our house have always been brazen, but things took a turn for the worse when first, we evicted them out of their comfy home in our attic. Then one of the squirrels had the misfortune to fall into our chimney and died. I’m not sure what we could have done differently. Perhaps, if we hadn’t mistaken the source of the noise and performed a rescue on a timely basis. May be the sound of one of their own piteously crying for help for two nights in a row is what turned them from brazen pest to vicious predators.
Ever since the demise of one of their own, they have taken every opportunity to annoy us. They poop on our stoop. They litter our driveway with broken branches. They repeatedly dig through our planters and leave dirt everywhere. I have one smaller container that they knock down on daily basis for fun. DH had heard somewhere that squirrels are afraid of owls and placed a gigantic plastic owl next to the plant. I came home to knocked over pot and knocked over owl for good measure. The owl, having lost all dignity is useless to us now.
So, knowing this history, I don’t know what possessed us into buying three (not so cheap, hand picked from a farm after 30 minutes of soul searching) pumpkins and putting them on our stoop. Not three hours passed before they took a hunk out of Mommy Pumpkin. When we got back from the church, there were two more nibbles. I went berserk and sprinkled hot chili powder all over the pumpkins… to no avail. This morning, Soso says to me, “The squirrels took a bite out of Daddy Pumpkin.” These pumpkins will not survive until Halloween. And at this rate, neither will the squirrels.
I am ready to commit squirrelicide. I am wondering how best to do it and whether I can plead temporary insanity if caught. The only thing holding me back is that they have left Baby Pumpkin alone. This is why I say they are clever. They know what buttons to push and just how far to push them. They know that as long as they leave Baby Pumpkin alone they are safe and once the Baby’s attacked, their fate is sealed. So, they mock us by taking a nip out Mommy and Daddy Pumpkins at will. I tell you, they are diabolical.