It seems that my life these days has increasingly been about being in a hurry. Hurry to work, hurry home, hurry through dinner, cleanup and getting ready for the next day. I am so worn out mentally and physically from my day that starts at 6AM that by dinner time, as a friend (whose thoughts eerily parallels mine sometimes) already eloquently put, I am done. I am ready to decompress by vegetating in front of a television.
Unfortunately, this can’t happen until Soso is in bed. So, I hurry through the bedtime routine. Hurry through brushing her teeth, hurry through bath, (come on Soso, hurry up!) hurry through books, do a quick prayer and finally goodnight! Except for a long time Soso would ask me to sleep with her for just two minutes. “Just two minutes, Mommy?” How could I say no? I didn’t, but like my friend, I was there and not there. I was in hurry. My mind was elsewhere and I gave those two minutes grudgingly. I probably even sped up the time.
Two days ago, I noticed that Soso no longer asks for those two minutes. I guess she has out grown the routine. And now perversely, I am sad that she no longer asks, that she no longer needs those two minutes for comfort. It is another sign that she is growing up. I am sad that Soso is growing older and yet ironically I was “hurrying” the process along by rushing through our times.
So, I had a couple of revelations, perhaps not new to anyone else but to myself. One, it seems like I am hurrying all day in order to finally slow down in front of a television set. Two, these little moments with my daughter will not last forever however long it may seem at the time. So, three, perhaps I should slow down and be in the moment with my daughter (instead of a TV) who as she puts it, “can’t stop growing”. After all, as my friend stated, it is a wonderful place to be.