5th birthday letter

I am feeling nostalgic today.  Today is a big milestone in your life, your 5th birthday.  The birthday after which you will forever leave toddler-hood and start real school.  The birthday that has pushed you over the precipice and headlong down towards big girlhood.  Headlong right into a bigger world full of new adventures, hopefully all fun but probably not without some pitfalls.

So, for the first time since you were born, I thought about the days before you were born with nostalgia.  I was big and ungainly and you were past the due date.  I wanted you out so badly, not only to finally see you and hold you, but so that I can have my body back.  Last night, for a few minutes, I wished you were back in my belly.  Small, protected and safe in my womb.  While I have my body back, you have taken over my whole life. Yet, even with my whole being, body and soul, I feel that I can never protect you as I could in my womb.  And that scares me a little.  OK, it scares me a lot.

But aside from being physically impossible, it would been silly to have kept you in my belly.  That would be akin to having your best china or your best crystal in the in the pantry and never using them, never enjoying them.  Perhaps a toy would be a better analogy for you.  What would be the point in having a toy you can’t play with?  Because the best thing about having a best thing is to have it out and about.  To use it.  To play with it.  To wear it.  To show it off.  Whatever it is, it only becomes better.

Well, you are my best thing.  And it would have been downright silly if I couldn’t hear you laugh.  Or see you smile. Or hear you call me mama, than mommy to now sometime mother.  To not experience the wonderful feeling of holding you in the crook of my arms.  To not see you take your first tentative steps and break out into the biggest, most gi-normous smile?  To not see the loving gleam in your eyes when you look at me, when you look at daddy.  That would have been a shame.

So, I am glad you are out and here with me.  My best thing.  Out and about where perhaps you could get hurt when you fearlessly jump into the pool, grubby and bruised from roaming all over the playground, but shining, always shining from the ear-to-ear grin to the twinkle in your eyes.

Hopefully, your daddy and I will do a good job guiding your through pitfalls, help you to shrug off the falls you can’t avoid, enjoy the good things in life and live life fully.  Hopefully we’ll help you to have confidence to make wise decisions for yourself.  Hopefully, we’ll help you fill your life with sunshine and laughter to shore up for the inevitable days of clouds and tears.  May be we’ll even teach you to appreciate the clouds, rains and even storms because it is good to have a ying to a yang to balance out ones life.

So, happy birthday my daughter.  My love.  My big girl.  My heart.  My bestest of all my best things.

Love,

Mommy

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