How to make a cup of coffee

This morning started off well.  I got up early and ran for 30 minutes without dying.  I had taken about two weeks off after the race.  Getting up to run at all was a big accomplishment.  I was feeling alive, energized and oh-so-proud of myself.

Then, in between stretching and sipping water, I forgot that it was Monday.  As in, I have to go to work Monday.  So, I putzed around in the kitchen, tidying up and wasting VALUABLE MINUTES.  Valuable because on a work morning, especially if I run, every single minute counts or I’m late for work.

While I ran to shower, I asked my dear husband to make coffee for me.

How to make a cup of coffee

Time: 30 minutes

Serving: 1

Ingredients

  • 1 forgetful wife
  • 1 husband who has never made coffee
  • 1 coffee pot maker
  • 2 scoops of coffee
  • 2 dollars

Directions

  1. Ask husband to make a cup of coffee.  Assume that he can follow simple instructions, “Put in two scoops of coffee grind, a cup of water and turn the machine ON.”
  2. Ignore first premonition that things may go wrong when he shouts from the kitchen, “Do I need to put the lid on?”
  3. Continue to ignore warning when husband asks the same question three times, “The lid on the coffee pot?”
  4. Continue to have hope that a coffee will be waiting for you even though the husband comes upstairs with the pot to verify that I really, really did mean yes when I said three times,Yes the lid on the pot needs to be on!”
  5. Continue to have hope when you get in the kitchen and see that coffee machine is on and the lid is on the pot.
  6. Be surprised when you see that there’s actually no coffee in the pot.
  7. Ask dear husband, ” Why is there no coffee?”, but don’t expect an answer.
  8. Ask dear husband, “Did you put water in?” and don’t be surprised when he says, “No.”
  9. Do not yell at the damn husband.
  10. Do not bang your head on the granite counter top.
  11. Take a deep breath and try to find your center of calm.
  12. Do not yell at the husband when he helpfully says, “Why don’t you just buy coffee this morning?”
  13. Take more deep breaths.
  14. Do not feel bad and childish that you left without saying good-bye, feel proud of yourself that you did not bite his head off.
  15. Take your dear husband’s helpful suggestion and run to the nearest Dunkin Donuts.
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One thought on “How to make a cup of coffee

  1. was not expecting that!! sooooo funny. this tops the mussels story for sure.
    poor d. i appreciate the entertainment he has provided for me today.

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