Best Friends Forever
Remember having them? Maybe you still do.
Unlike my adult years, when I was young, I always had a BFF or two. Even coming to this brand new country, not speaking the language, I managed to find a few good friends. Even moving every 6 months the first three years, I managed to find a friend or two to hangout with at each new place. To have fun with. To help me feel a sense of belonging. To ease the loneliness.
Soso had a couple of good friends from daycare, but they have faded away. A natural progression when one lives in different towns and go to different schools.
Now, that she’s in her second year of school in our town, I hoped she would find at least one “replacement” and she has not.
No BFF. No one particular girl that she connects with that connect with her. Not a one. Not through class. Not through Daisy. Not through soccer. Not through any of the playdates.
It worries me.
The girls I’ve planned things with are all nice girls. Similar to Soso, I thought. They have fun, but… there’s just no chemistry. There’s no mutual excitement at seeing each other. There’s no seeking of each other’s company at recess. There’s no spark.
Perhaps, I’m projecting some of my own fears. If D and I weren’t such social misfits, I would be more assured.
Then again, I know I’m not imagining things. We go to birthday parties and while other girls all run to each other, screaming as girls do and giggle and start playing right away with each other. Soso stands there. On the outskirts. A little awkward.
A game calls for partnering up and each girl would grab another girl and there’s S again, looking around, alone. Because she doesn’t grab anyone and no one grabs her.
It’s kind of painful for me to watch. Sometimes, I don’t like to stay because I’m just cringing inside, feeling all kinds of worries and sadness.
We walk into a meeting/party/event and we happen to walk in with another girl. The girls will call out to each other, “Look Jane is here! Yay!” but not for S.
It is frustrating for so many reasons. I don’t know why this is. Is it her? Is it them? What little I can do, like setting up playdates, doesn’t seem to help foster a bond.
I think her friends are O, J and A. Yet, when I ask her what she did in recess, she’s drawing alone or she’s hanging out with some random kid I don’t know.
I ask her why she doesn’t play with O, J and A or even E, S or H or any of the girls we do know. I don’t know. Recess is really big and there are so many kids.
Really? Is it really that big that she can’t connect with one of the 20 girls she knows?
I’m really hoping that a 30-something year old Soso is reading this in the future and laughing at me. Look Mommy, you had nothing to worry about. I have a great life with a great family and great friends. I’m happy, Mommy. I’m fulfilled. I’m incredibly blessed.
Parenthood is hard for so many reasons. The hardest of all is the emotional vulnerability that comes with it. I am much more hurt for my child than I ever was for myself. Sometimes, my heart like it is all nerves, sensitive to the slightest nuances.