The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

No, I am not talking about the movie.

If you’re going, “Huh, what movie?” shame on you. Classic Clint Eastwood movie.  Classic example of spaghetti western.  Go Netflix it right now.

While I would love to discourse on the movie, on spaghetti westerns in general, on Clint Eastwood, on the director Sergio Leone, alas, this post is not about the movie.

It is about visiting my adoption agency’s forum.  I’ve been visiting it a lot.  All the paperwork was sent and I’m basically twiddling my thumb.  Waiting.  It is a helpless feeling.  Everything is out of my hands now.

So, I visit the forum to be with people like me, who are waiting.  Or to experience other parent’s joys as they too, receive their referrals.  So, that’s the good.

The bad is that it is all very emotional.  And I’m prone tears.

Now we get to the ugly.  There is always someone posting new photos they received of their baby.  While I rejoice in their happiness, I’m jealous.

There is a baby girl out there that’s mine, who’s growing and changing everyday, and I have no access to her.  She could be crawling.  She could be saying the Korean equivalent of mama and dada. Perhaps she’s started to eat solids.  She’s laughing.  She’s giving kisses.  She’s making raspberries.  All these things that I’m not there to see and share and record.  That I won’t have memories of to share with her.

All I can hope for is that the foster family is capturing some of these moments for me.  And that time moves quickly.

Foster family, won’t you please send me some new photos?


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