A friend reminded me that this transition period is probably like the first 6 weeks after giving birth. You know, when you’re on survival mode. Just trying to get through the days and weeks? When you’re struggling to get back to some semblance normal because other parts of your life (work, Soso’s schedule, having to eat and keep house) continues on. They don’t take a break just because you have a needy, whiny, clingy, and grieving baby.
Perhaps there are parents out there who enjoy these first few weeks, in spite of all the ‘hardships’. I’ve realized as I’ve never fully realized going through it the first time with Soso that I don’t. I’m just not built that way. So, as much as I feel like an unnatural mother, as much as I feel badly for D, as much as I may open myself up to criticism, I’m relieved to be at work.
There I’ve said it.
I’m glad that I’m out of the house of crying and constantly streaming eyes and nose. I’m glad that the only noise I hear is the tap, tap, tap of the keyboard as I type this up and the background noise of the office at work. I’m glad that I don’t have to hold a baby who currently doesn’t want me anyway, that I don’t have to hear the screeching as I change her diaper, that I don’t have to deal with what poor D is dealing right now.
Oh yeah, he just called to say that today has not been a good day and it is only 11 AM. Thank God, I’m not the one at home because I would probably lose my mind.
The glimpses that people at the soccer practice, at school, at the doctors’ office, etc have seen make it seems like all’s fine. They are not. This is hard. It is really, really hard and no one can fully understand what we’re going through except another adoptive parent of a toddler.
People assume that because she is a year old that it is easier. Like I said, just imagine having a difficult newborn and just maybe, maybe you’ll have a clue.
I just hope that at the end of six weeks, we will see a light. I hope that when people ask, “How are things and the baby?” that I can genuinely answer, “Great!” instead of faking it.