I got a package over the weekend from my Godmother.
She reads my blog.
Unfortunately, Peanut has started the shrieking phase. You know the kind that pierce right through you? Nothing mutes the shrieks except perhaps if I were in a coma.
If nothing else, they made me laugh. Which helps. Of course, I was beyond touched at the thought. Which helps as well. To know that people care and are lifting me up with their prayers and good wishes is truly a blessing.
I woke up Monday and I realized that I need to change my attitude.
I felt like I hit rock bottom again on Sunday, not because I yelled at Peanut, but because I wanted to give up. Quit. Return the baby. I mean screaming and yelling is bad, but it happens to the best of us. It is the emotional aftermath of thinking the unthinkable that’s more damaging.
After Sunday, I realized I was still subconsciously holding onto the “return the baby” option as a safety net. In reality, it isn’t an option. I would never think of it as an option if it was Soso. I need to start thinking of Peanut as my baby.
It won’t mute the shrieks. It won’t make me less irritated by her demanding nature. It won’t suddenly transform her crying, whining, shrieking sounds to something more melodic than fingernails going down the chalkboard.
But perhaps, taking “return the baby” off the table will make the next meltdown less damaging.
She’s mine, for better or for worse. Hopefully the better will outweigh the worse one day.