I have been thinking about my mom a lot these days. I feel like I’m reliving last year, thinking to myself, “This is the day I started getting concerned. This week is when D asked if I want to go see her, but I decided to wait to my everlasting regret. Next week is when I find out the she’s lost a ton of weight.”
I know it does me no good, but I can’t help it.
I guess because of how last year went down, the travel call coming so soon after and being consumed by Peanut and just trying to survive, I never had a chance to grieve properly.
Well, I’m grieving now. Not a day has gone by the past week when I haven’t shed a tear. Not a day has gone by when I’m not fluctuating between sorrow, anger, regret, and frustration.
Mostly, I just miss my mom so very much.
I look at these tall trees reaching for the sky, reaching for heaven, I think. If I climb high enough, could I get a glimpse of my mom one more time? I’m grateful I believe in heaven. The thought of my mom not existing somewhere and never being able to see her again would be unbearable.