It just sucks big times right now. That’s the honest, bare-bone truth. I enjoy 5, 10 percent if I’m being generous, of it and the rest of the times are just getting through the day without going batsh*t crazy or wind up being on the news.
It may sound extreme and crazy to non-parents or if you happen to be perfect parents or really good at parenting or have perfect children. Good for you, but this is my reality. The “joy” of parenting currently feels incredibly elusive and ephemeral.
And here’s another truth. Reading “inspiring” quotes such as this one makes me feel crappier (not better) than I already do. Because no matter how much I’m hammered about how transient this time is and to focus on the gift that the kids are and how aware I am that it is indeed a very, very short time in the grand scheme of things, I can’t.
It’s like putting a single rose in a portable john filled literally with crap and asking me to appreciate the beauty and the fragrance of the rose. Yeah it’s beautiful and yeah it smells great if you can focus on just the smell of the rose, but the fact is I’m in a potty and there this overwhelming stench of crap. That is what parenthood is to me right now.
Oh and if it’s possible to make me feel any worse, here are two other quotes.
I guess this explains why I feel so ugly these days. I thought I was having a mid-life crisis and tried to fix it with a different haircut, only to continue feel ugly. Ah, it’s because of what’s in the inside. But when I try to change what’s inside…
If you go by this quote, I am in a vicious circle. I will continue to attract negativity, impatience, dislike and unhappiness because that’s what I am. Geez, how hopeless and uninspiring.